Genjustu Sun
by Tenshi Aine
Summary: No one really knew what went on inside Naruto's head. Or what was behind his grinning act. No one knew his grin was just an act at all. Until... One-shot. Warning: Suicide and Slight hints of shounen-ai.


Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto

Genjutsu Sun

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This is all just some silly joke, damnit. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that. Even if everyone seems to believe what was written in that stupid letter Kakashi-sensei found, I'm not going to fall for it.

No. Not me.

The dobe may go to hell for all I care.

If it had been about any other person I would have believed.

But not him. Not_ him. _

He was just too dumb for that. Too loud. Too energetic. Too determined. Too happy...wasn't he?

"He could'nt take it anymore....all his life...demon-vessel... He just...gave up." Kakashi-sensei was speaking to them.

_Gave up. He gave up.._

That's not possible. It doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense at all.

It was like saying the sun was just a genjustu. And that there was no sun.

Not true.

I was the one who was supposed to be the tragic little hero. The lonely one wallowing in self-pity and darkness. And...and he was the incorrigible one. Too dumb to be sad, too determined to despair...and always...always wearing that stupid grin of his.

Undaunted. Nothing could affect him.

A lot of times I would look at him and wonder what it was like to be him. To be dead-last and boast of being the future Hokage. And actually believe in it.

But...

_He gave up._

How dense could I get? All I could see was how happy he was compared to me. But he wasn't. He was just like me all along.

He was such a good liar.

Damn him and his stupid, grinning act.

My hands balled up into fists at my side as I stared at Kakashi's one-visible eye. Searching for a hint of mischief...something. Anything but this.

"Oh, gods. I never thought...He seemed perfectly fine yesterday!" Beside me, Sakura slumped to the ground and sobbed into Lee's ready arms.

Yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that....He always seemed fine.

And he wanted to be Hokage.

"...tried to slash his wrists..." Kakashi's voice seemed to float in the air.

_No._

Everyone was staring at me. I must have said it out loud.

Kakashi shook his head sadly.

I put on my infamous smirk and tried to push my way past him, into the dobe's cramped apartment, but he shook his head again.

My whole body was trembling now. But my smirk remained plastered on my face as I forced icy indifference into my voice.

"This is not the time to joke, Kakashi-sensei. We have a mission to start. Now let me pass so I could kick the dobe's ass again for delaying us with such a stupid trick."

Wordlessly, Kakashi stepped aside and I opened the door....

He just sat there, on the floor. Blond hair sticking about messily in all directions. Empty cups of instant ramen scattered randomly beside him. His orange jacket open. Head lolled to one side, resting on the edge of the couch.

His whole demeanor was weary...and somehow, serene.

I wanted to laugh and cry at the sight.

He was asleep. He was asleep. Yes. Merely sleeping.

I tried to block out the familiar metallic smell. Tried not to see the red puddle beside him. His half-healed wrists. The dark red trail along his side, going up to his shoulder...

...the kunai buried in his neck...

I looked around. Anywhere but at the still figure in the middle of the room.

There were envelopes on the couch. One of them...

_Sasuke_ ...The words were written at the back of the envelope, in that familiar, messy hiragana.

I picked it up. The paper shook like a leaf in my hand.

I didn't dare open it.

I gazed at the words in silence. Studying the way he wrote my name as if I could wring out answers if I looked hard enough.

_Why?_

I looked back at him. At my teammate, my rival.

The one I had always secretly envied and looked up to.

_He had given up._

Liar. Coward.

You gave up. But I will not..

I will be Hokage, if you won't,... dead-last.

My cheeks were wet as I made my way out the window and into the cold air of the night.

_The sun had been a genjutsu all along. _

__

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R&R please. I just thought of this while I was doing my Math Homework and started scribbling it down. Hehehe. Flames and criticisms will be greatly appreciated if you really mean what you say.

Constructive criticisms will be cherised and heeded if it makes sense.


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